Parents are the most important
sexuality educators of their children. For 25 years, a growing national coalition of
organizations has worked to promote family communication about sexuality through helpful
publications and vital community programs. To learn what may be available in your
community, contact Planned Parenthood or any of the agencies on the national coalition.
Talking about sexuality with your children can be a challenge. Sometimes parents are
fearful about saying too much too soon (although there's no evidence that this should be a
concern). Some parents feel they don't know enough to be a reliable source of accurate
information. But no parent needs to be an expert on sexuality to have meaningful
conversations with their children, and every parent can share their values about
sexuality, relationships and respect for others.
Many families belong to particular religious denominations, while others have a strong
sense of spirituality without belonging to an organized faith community. Still others talk
about values and beliefs without discussing religion or spirituality at all. Whatever your
relationship to religion, it's important that you talk with your child about sexuality in
the context of your own personal, moral views. Most faith traditions talk about sexuality
as a gift of God — as something to be respected and in which to find joy.
While it does take some forethought, parents can provide accurate information to their
children about sexuality, and reinforce their spiritual or religious values. Here are some
tips you might consider when doing so:
Be clear about
your values.
Before you speak with your child about sexuality, think about what your values are. What
do you believe? What does your faith tradition say? It is important to give your children
factual information -- and to be very specific about how your beliefs either agree with or
differ from science.
Talk about facts
vs. beliefs.
Sometimes, factual information can challenge a personal belief or what a faith community
believes. This can provide an opportunity to make sure that your child both has accurate
information and hears what your values are relating to it. It also provides an opportunity
to explain that there are different beliefs in the community — that people are
allowed to disagree with each other, and that differing views should be respected, as long
as those views are based on ethics, responsibility, justice, equality and nonviolence.
Practice what
you preach...
Young people often find it confusing when parents talk about a value regarding sexuality
and then act in a way that does not support that value. Some common values about sexuality
and relationships that most people support include honesty, equality, responsibility, and
respect for differences. Acting on your values and being a good role model are powerful
messages for your children. On the other hand, your beliefs will not seem very important
or valuable to your children if they don't see you respect and abide by them yourself.
...But don't
preach...
Have a conversation with your children -- don't talk at them. Find out what they think and
how they feel about sexuality and relationships. Then you will be able to share
information and respond to questions in ways that will resonate with the belief system
they are developing for themselves.
Encourage a
sense of pride. All children deserve to be
wanted and loved, and parents can reinforce this message. Let them know you are interested
in what they think and how they feel about any topic, whether it is sexuality, school,
religion, the future or whatever. When your children share feelings with you, praise them
for it. Correct misinformation gently, and reinforce your values whenever possible.
Keep the
conversation going. Too often, parents think they
need to wait until they collect enough information and energy to be prepared to have
"THE TALK" with their children. However, sexuality is a part of every person's
life from the moment he or she is born. It is important, therefore, to start the
conversation early, and to make it clear to your children that you are always willing to
talk about sexuality -- whenever questions come up for them, or when a "teachable
moment" occurs.
Keep your sense
of humor!
Sexuality, in most of its aspects, can be a joyful topic for discussion in the family. |
